Curses

A toast in reverse is a curse. In form, they are alike right down to the common openings of "Here's to ..." and "May you. ..." Here, in English, is a sampling largely drawn form the two great sources of male diction, Gaelic and Yiddish.

 

A plague on both your houses.
—SHAKESPEARE, Romeo and Juliet, Act III

 

Corns should grow on your nose.
—Yiddish

 

Here's to short shoes and long corns to our enemies.
—Irish

 

May a band of gypsies camp in your belly and train bears to dance on your liver.
—Yiddish

 

May all your enemies move in with you.
—Yiddish

 

May his cradle ne'er rock, may his box have no lock, May his wife have no frock for to cover her back, May his cock never crow, may his bellows ne'er blow, And his pipe and his pot, may he ever more lack.
— Irish, a curse to an informer

 

May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt,
That a ghost may catch him in the dark of the night,
May his hen never lay, may his ass never bray,
And his goat fly away like an old paper kite.
—Irish

 

May his soul be forever tormented by fire and his bones be dug up by dogs and dragged through the streets of Minneapolis. . . .
—From Happy To Be Here by Garrison Keillor

 

May his spade never dig.
May his sow never pig.
May each hair in his wig be well thrashed with a flail.
May his door never latch.
May his turkeys not hatch.
May the rats eat his mail.

 

May every old fairy from Cork to Dunleary dip him snug and airy in river or lake where the eel and the trout may dine on the snout of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.
—One verse of Irish cursing song "Nell Flaherty's Drake"

 

May she marry a ghost, and bear him a kitten, and may the high king of glory permit it to get the mange.
—Irish

 

May the devil cut the toes off all our foes, that we may know them by their limping.
—Irish

 

May the devil make a ladder of your backbone while he is picking apples in the garden of hell.
—Irish

 

May the greatest doctors in the world know of your case.
—Yiddish

 

May the seven seas not be enough for your enemas.
—Yiddish

 

May you be alone in paradise.
—Yiddish

 

May you be proof that a human being can endure anything.
—Yiddish

 

May you grow so rotten that goats, skunks, and pigs refuse to be near you.
—Yiddish

 

May you never develop stomach trouble from too rich a diet.
—Yiddish

 

May you never go to hell, but always be on your way.
—Yiddish

 

May you turn into a sparrow and owe your existence to the droppings of a horse.
—Yiddish

 

May your buttocks fall off.
—Yiddish

 

May your finger get stuck in your nose.
—Irish

 

May your nose run and your feet smell.
—Yiddish

 

May your retirement plan be supervised by Jimmy Hoffa.
—STEVE ALLEN

 

May your sex life be as good as your credit.
—Yiddish

 

Pieces should fall off you.
—Yiddish

 

That all your teeth should fall out—but one should remain for a toothache.
—Yiddish

 

You should grow like an onion with your feet in the air and your head in the ground.
—Yiddish

 

You should have a child through the ribs.
—Yiddish